What 2018 Means
Happy that the goddamn sgx documents finally arrived at my mailbox after near two months, and momentarily cooling off the hotheadedness with ocbc (whose response still appals me today). It's like, after all this while, I can finally move away from this stagnant state! To my sack of gold/goals! To my first 100K! #2017goals
This insane infatuation. I wonder if it would be a good hobby, but as far as I'm concerned, it seems to have facinated me so much other than my dramas. People asked me where did my time go (which baffled me too), yea, well, apart from working, moonlighting, drama-ing, eating and pooping, I guessed most of my me-time now is spent calculating my financial freedom. HAHA. Does this sound like a legit past time? It does to me.
Work has taken such a different form now, till the point I'm thrown back to this spiralling bewilderment of whether to stay or not. Me as me, I'm not swayed by things that can't sway me in the first place, so this dilemma sinks in right because things are going way too much in my planned alternatives. I count myself lucky to have been spotted, honestly, because look, we know it's not everyday that opportunities rain down on you. So when it does, not once, but twice, I appreciate it. But this guilt kicks in, largely due to the fact that I know I don't need it better than some does. Do I think too highly of myself? Perhaps. Do I love this attention? It's a lie to deny. But is my heart swayed now? Yes. Or no. Or, have my priorities changed just in this short period of one year? I guess...
I fear the answer, so I rather choose a no answer to that. And while I scrutinise the root of these problems, my brother easily refutes with a blunt opinion. "Freedom," he said, "you love freedom." This statement blew me off my feet, but on second thoughts, it kind of made sense. I worked hard, I planned much, I pushed myself to boundaries because I thought I need to earn not only for current keeping, but also for future self sake. I need to sustain a passive income to support my wants and dignity, I need the freedom to leave as and when I like. I do not want to be tied down and fall victim to ageing, the day when I hate everything I'm doing but am left with no choice but submit to fate. I refuse to become that social norm, buttered with social woes and crying over peanuts. I want this twenty-year-old's swagness, even when I'm old and tattered. No ties, no binds.
Someone said, money should be a mean, not an end. I wouldn't have understood a year back, but now I think I do. Or at least, start to understand this profundity. I started off disliking anything and everything about the job, because firstly, nothing is right about it. The pay is measly, the scope and interest are mutually exclusive, and it's shift work. Worse of all, I have no personal working desk! (This sickening persistence hahaha) The only miracle that could ever happen is to send me off to the non-operational track, or if my pay rises to no ends, that's when I'll consider, I decided. I never expect any to happen, I was all determined to conclude here for a better place.
So I'll see. The passion to excel and become a groundbreaking figure has gradually diminished in this short one year, as I begin to see more things in life rather than aiming for the higher ups. But before I make any more decision, one thing's for sure - money remains the means. Combined with my new found passion, let's hope that 2018 will level the game off to a new ground, and I will have a brand new set of chips to play with to achieve my freedom.
This insane infatuation. I wonder if it would be a good hobby, but as far as I'm concerned, it seems to have facinated me so much other than my dramas. People asked me where did my time go (which baffled me too), yea, well, apart from working, moonlighting, drama-ing, eating and pooping, I guessed most of my me-time now is spent calculating my financial freedom. HAHA. Does this sound like a legit past time? It does to me.
Work has taken such a different form now, till the point I'm thrown back to this spiralling bewilderment of whether to stay or not. Me as me, I'm not swayed by things that can't sway me in the first place, so this dilemma sinks in right because things are going way too much in my planned alternatives. I count myself lucky to have been spotted, honestly, because look, we know it's not everyday that opportunities rain down on you. So when it does, not once, but twice, I appreciate it. But this guilt kicks in, largely due to the fact that I know I don't need it better than some does. Do I think too highly of myself? Perhaps. Do I love this attention? It's a lie to deny. But is my heart swayed now? Yes. Or no. Or, have my priorities changed just in this short period of one year? I guess...
I fear the answer, so I rather choose a no answer to that. And while I scrutinise the root of these problems, my brother easily refutes with a blunt opinion. "Freedom," he said, "you love freedom." This statement blew me off my feet, but on second thoughts, it kind of made sense. I worked hard, I planned much, I pushed myself to boundaries because I thought I need to earn not only for current keeping, but also for future self sake. I need to sustain a passive income to support my wants and dignity, I need the freedom to leave as and when I like. I do not want to be tied down and fall victim to ageing, the day when I hate everything I'm doing but am left with no choice but submit to fate. I refuse to become that social norm, buttered with social woes and crying over peanuts. I want this twenty-year-old's swagness, even when I'm old and tattered. No ties, no binds.
Someone said, money should be a mean, not an end. I wouldn't have understood a year back, but now I think I do. Or at least, start to understand this profundity. I started off disliking anything and everything about the job, because firstly, nothing is right about it. The pay is measly, the scope and interest are mutually exclusive, and it's shift work. Worse of all, I have no personal working desk! (This sickening persistence hahaha) The only miracle that could ever happen is to send me off to the non-operational track, or if my pay rises to no ends, that's when I'll consider, I decided. I never expect any to happen, I was all determined to conclude here for a better place.
So I'll see. The passion to excel and become a groundbreaking figure has gradually diminished in this short one year, as I begin to see more things in life rather than aiming for the higher ups. But before I make any more decision, one thing's for sure - money remains the means. Combined with my new found passion, let's hope that 2018 will level the game off to a new ground, and I will have a brand new set of chips to play with to achieve my freedom.
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